Blurry
by kiba kai
Summary: 1x2, short, Major Angst, Heero deal with the pain... songfic [Blurry - Puddle of Mudd] written in 3rd person POV


Disclaimer : I don't own them, no... thanks Sunrise, the song is 'Blurry' from Puddle of Mudd, not mine either.  
  
Pairing : 1+2  
  
Category : Angst, Songfic  
  
Rate : PG-13  
  
Warning : Yaoi  
  
Archive : Gw13 ~ http://gundamwing13.topcities.com  
  
E-mail : kiba_kai@yahoo.com  
  
Note : I wrote this as a third person POV, I think maybe it's more sensitive... or not? ^^' I didn't write 1x2 much, so it's time to brush it up ^.^  
  
Normal  
  
Lyrics  
  
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Blurry  
  
By Kai  
  
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The rain and the wind rage outside. At the faraway dark sky, it's like another world, which is full of monsters called 'thunder' rumbling and fighting against one another. Strike after strike, they create a dreadful noise... just like the earth shattering screams inside one's broken heart. Even though they are heard, there's little care for them.  
  
The weight of pure water that hits the windowpane cannot console the silent tension inside your head. You sit quietly against the cold wall. Your blue eyes are completely dead to the world. Your legs stretch carelessly in the front and your hands let loose by gravity. Your head rests against the wall that once hung so many memorable frames of photos. You're too weak.  
  
  
  
Everything's so blurry and everyone's so fake  
  
Everybody's so empty and everything is so messed up  
  
Pre-occupied without you, I cannot live at all  
  
My whole world surrounds you, I stumble then I crawl  
  
  
  
Your mind is haunted... the countless images of your sweet angel - how he looked so warm, so captivating... so lovely. The way he used to wake you up with the small kiss at the tip of your nose... and how the light smell of morning lingered with the familiar scent of his hair, how can you forget them? Never.  
  
You kissed him lovingly as if he was all that you had, and in fact, he was... he still is.  
  
There was so many nights he had cried; his cruel past restraining him with an invisible chain. There was once you can get pass his barrier, he broke down completely… pouring his heart out with the death of his only family; the church… the fire… the smell of burnt wood and the screaming cannot be erased from his memory. You could do nothing but console him, giving him the sense of security.  
  
No word needed to be exchange; he snuggled close to you, searching for comfort that he knew was there. Sharing your body heat, his flawless skin pressed to yours. You whispered the words that he needed to hear, knowing that you would never ask for more.  
  
  
  
You could be my someone, You could be my sea  
  
You know that I'll protect you from all of the obscene  
  
I wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are  
  
There's ocean in between us but that's not very far  
  
  
  
The pictures that you had once treasured cascade all over the floor. Torn curtain, pieces of broken glass, and your motionless body, altogether they are one pile of garbage. The only movements of the entire scene are the beads of water that run down the smooth surface of windows.  
  
...  
  
Time stands still. You've lost your will to move but you keep on breathing just because you have no strength to stop it. Your sweetest memories plague your mind. You want to scream, you need to scream... you give in. Your eyes shut tight. Your hoarse cry echoes in the silence. Your vocal cords almost split apart. Panting. Chest heaving. Your head and ears ache. They wake you. Your insanity is gone, but your torment is still there.  
  
Under the shattered glass, there is a picture. You and him, he sat on your lap and turned his head around to face you... to accept your soul searing kiss. That look, that happiness.  
  
You feel pain.  
  
You hit your head to the wall... over and over, hoping it will drive away those illusions. Harder and harder, you keep hitting, but it doesn't seem to work.  
  
Your pain grows stronger.  
  
  
  
Can you take it all away, Can you take it all away  
  
When you shoved it in my face, This pain you gave to me  
  
Can you take it all away, Can you take it all away  
  
When you shove it in my face  
  
  
  
What did you feel when that day came? It was an ordinary day - bright sky even. You planned to spend time with him; driving, walking, talking, or making love; anything that you thought would please him. Then he stood there at the doorway. His captivating violet eyes were blank.  
  
Out of nowhere, he said the words you never expected to hear.  
  
He wanted it to end.  
  
All the good things you done meant nothing…  
  
Like a hammer pounding your head, the room spun; your legs didn't support you anymore. You collapsed to the floor and he rushed to your side, not out of love and caring but out of pity. He was right there, sitting on the floor before you, tears streaming down his face. Was he sorry, you questioned.  
  
In the moment he said those words, he didn't have any idea at all what he was doing. He destroyed a million of minutes of your lifetime. Wasted. Useless. Empty.  
  
  
  
Everyone is changing, there's no one left that's real  
  
To make up your own ending and let me know just how you feel  
  
Cause I am lost without you, I cannot live at all  
  
My whole world surrounds you, I stumble then I crawl  
  
  
  
He used you, plain and simple. He wanted comfort, you gave comfort. He needed love, you had love. That was the way things were. You never noticed it before since the passion blinded you.  
  
Love is the strangest thing in the world; it can be as bright as the sun or it can be as dark as the night, its taste is sweet as nectar yet sometime it's more bitter than poison. It can grant you such a blissful scent of the rose, and at the same time its thorn can bleed you to death. It is a forbidden fruit of life; you can always reach it but are you ready to risk everything you have?  
  
Too hurt to accept the truth, you close your eyes, try to fool yourself that it wasn't real; he's still here… he's looking at you… and when you open them again you'll be in his arms. He will ask what troubles you. He will sooth you with all his tenderness and says that you're only dreaming. He will kiss away your pain… and this nightmare will end. It has to end.  
  
You hold your breath and …  
  
He isn't here.  
  
A single drop of sorrow traveled down your face.  
  
  
  
You could be my someone, You could be my sea  
  
You know that I will save you from all of the unclean  
  
I wonder what you're doing, I wonder where you are  
  
There's ocean in between us but that's not very far  
  
  
  
Your dull eyes are devoured by the darkness; they have already lost their shine.  
  
You never thought the blissful days had to end, but they did. The minute he walked out the door, it was over. You still remember that moment; your soul was ripped apart from your body. You couldn't even breathe.  
  
No one will ever save you from this fall. Your friends give you encouragements that don't even get through to your system. You ask yourself over and over what went wrong - you're still asking it, yet there's never an answer.  
  
  
  
Can you take it all away, Can you take it all away  
  
When you shoved it in my face, This pain you gave to me  
  
Can you take it all away, Can you take it all away  
  
When you shove it in my face, This pain you gave to me  
  
  
  
Shaking, your hands are shaking, when the realization hits you that his sweet confession of love never was the truth. Over the days and nights you believed his lie. But it's too late; his words are permanently painted in your memory.  
  
You curse yourself about how stupid you were to love the one you thought you were supposed to love. Was he heartless or were you blind? Was he cruel and you too kind? Did he intend to hurt you just to have someone to hold? Did he want to have someone to wake up with just to fulfill a romantic dream? Then why didn't he tell you sooner, when everything could still be revoked?  
  
  
  
Nobody told me what you thought  
  
Nobody told me what to say  
  
Everyone showed you where to turn  
  
Told you where to runaway  
  
  
  
Breaking, your heart is breaking, when the only tenderness you find is from your own embrace. You draw your legs up to your chest. Hiding your head in trembling hands, you pray that those questions will go away but they never do. The coldness and darkness have become the only friends to listen to your sorrow.  
  
It tears you apart.  
  
  
  
Nobody told you where to hide  
  
Nobody told you what to say  
  
Everyone showed you to turn  
  
Showed you where to run away  
  
  
  
In the sea of riddles, you're swimming. In the ocean of tears, you're drowning. There's only one savior who can save you but he will never come back.  
  
He said he loved you... He kept saying it but he didn't even know what the meaning of it was. You're the one who knew its true meaning. And it's you alone who feels this unbearable pain.  
  
He left this place. He left you.  
  
  
  
Can you take it all away, Can you take it all away  
  
When you shoved it in my face, This pain you gave to me  
  
Can you take it all away, Can you take it all away  
  
When you shove it in my face, This pain you gave to me  
  
  
  
Crumbling against the wall, crawling upon the floor... The silent cry filled the dark room.  
  
  
  
This pain you gave to me...  
  
  
  
  
  
fin~  
  
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Kai: Honestly, I never knew the band called Puddle of Mudd before, but when I first hear this song, it hit me real hard! (*^_^*) anyway, any good? Please leave me a review, I desperately want it ~^_^~  
  
Uh, a little loose ending here, right? Should I continue? ^^'  
  
Edited by : trowacko 


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